"You were born together and together you shall be forevermore...
But let there be spaces in your togetherness.
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you."
Today was a bit of a stressful day for the Momma in me. The twins had started to get sick this past Friday. They were a bit congested, Meadow was seemingly dehydrated as we couldn't seem to give her enough fluids, they weren't urinating as much as they should have been and they were both feverish. Their fevers were enough for the doctor to be concerned and he advised me to keep them in their bouncy seats or their car seats when they slept as it would be bad for them to lie down as congested as they were, and I was to keep an eye on their fevers. I asked about any medication that they might be able to take to help them but the doctor advised that we needed to just let this illness run it's course. So, I have been pumping the twins with fluids, monitoring their temperatures and watching over them as carefully as I could. I wasn't worried as they seemed to be doing fine until today. Meadow hadn't urinated in almost a 24 hour period save for small, minute amounts. And then two feedings in a row, she refused to eat. After her second refusal and finding she had a fever... I did what I think most new Momma's would do- I panicked. So I called the doctor who advised me to not even go into the office but instead to take them both straight to the emergency room that they shoudl have a full work up of tests to see what was going on.
So I calle dinto work and explained to my boss what was going on and he was kind enough to allow me the use of a vacation day. Thank God for small favors. I informed Shawn what was going on. Poor guy, I think I overwhelmed him a bit as he had worked 3rd shift last night and was barely awake when I started packing up the twins in a fury and telling him that I was not going to work and had to get the twins to E.R. He managed to calm me down a bit and helped me to get them in th etruck and sent us off on our way.
That's when I really started falling apart. Shawn is my rock and the one who manages to keep me calm through the intense moments in life. But we couldn;t afford to miss time from work without pay and he didn't have any vacation left. So he talked to me via cell phone as i made my way to the hospital. Not long after leaving home, I ran into construction and got stuck for 35 flipping minutes with two sick, screaming babies. I all but ran out of gas waiting to get through the mess. But I finally got ushered through the construction, made it to the gas station and started back on the road. I got all but 10 minutes form the hospital when I started to smell a foul odor coming from the back seat. It wa sthen that I realised that I forgot the damn diaper bag! What the hell kind of Mom does that??? One that's stressed and in a panic I tell you. I called Shawn to inform him of my dilemma and he urged me to go back home and retrieve the uch needed bag so that I would not only have diapers (I figured I could borrow some from the hospital) but so that I could also feed the twins when they needed to be fed.
So I turned the car around and made my way back home. I once again got struck in construction, I had an ungodly need to pee. I had two unconsolable babies screaming in the back seat and this new Momma fell to pieces. I called my sister-in-law Samantha and asked that she go with me and thankfully, she agreed. I finally made it to the hospital 2 hours after I originally left. They got both of the twins in before we could even sit in thewaiting room. The physician's assistant that tended to them examined them, found no fever. The twins needed to eat and both ate well. In fact, they gobbled their food and both urinated while they were there. The doctor looked at me as though I was nuts. He didn't run any tests as he said that they definately had a virus but that it seemed as though they were at the tail end of it and should be fine in no time. Just for me to continue to monitor them but that all should be all right. That put my mind to ease and I felt a bit silly. But I was scared.
There's a saying that a wise woman once said about being a parent. She said that when you enter into parenthood, you decided to give borth to your own heart and allow it to walk about in this world suseptible to all that it out there knowing that there is very little to do to protect it. I know now exactly what she meant.
My heart was split in two portions, one being my son, one being my daughter. And it's a miracle each and every day that I am able to wake up each morning and know that my heart lies in two beautiful souls lying in their bed next to mine. That every breath they take, every move they make, every dream the dare to conjure up and chase- is because my heart was born into this world. I will do everything in my power to protect them. I vow to shower them with love, to devote myself to them and their needs. And I will do everything possible to raise them to the best of my abilities. And each day, I get to sit back and watch as my heart grows, evolves and becomes two growing individual beings with the likeness of both Shawn and I and know that God truly has blessed he and I.
And I am realising now that being a Momma is more than a title. It's also more than just a job. It's a priveledge. A treasure. And although it is the most joyous experience I have ever known, it can be damned scary too. People always talk about a "Mother's Intuition." And yet, from the very moment I became a Momma, I have never once felt that intuition. I feel almost as if it's more of a trial and error kind of thing. And a bonding experience. Bondiing between the twins and I, and also with my parents, my sisters and with Shawn.
I think my biggest lesson thus far is that being a Momma is a learning experience. And I'm just smart enough to know that I don;t have all the answers. But I am willing to do my homework. I'm not afraid to ask questions. And I am open to all the wisdom that people are kind enough to share with me.
I just hope that years from now, the twins are kind enough to grade me on a curve. Or at least to allow me to do some extra credit. .. thanks for tuning in.
Always,
Sara
Yesterday's Diapers & Powder Fresh
birthday news and more - 2007-07-08
Happy Irish Day! - 2007-03-18
All is going well - 2007-02-23
Trying to stay sane - 2007-02-04
Merry Christmas - 2006-12-22